Vampire devices: electronics are drying out your wallet | Energy bills
Name: Vampire devices.
Age: There are old ones, and less old ones.
Appearance: Again, this varies. Some are thin and pale, others square. Some of them glow, others flash on you…
It’s scary. You should be afraid, they are in your house.
Where is it in my house? The living room, the kitchen, the home office, your bedroom…
And what are they doing? They suck your power. At night, especially.
Vampires! Corn … [pulling a crucifix and a clove of garlic from pocket] …I have this, ha! Useless against this kind of vampire, because they are vampire devices.
Vampire devices? They suck your electricity and your money while you sleep. Did you know that a phone charger consumes power even when it’s not actually charging a phone?
It’s vulgar. It contains a transformer, which uses a very small amount of power. A printer, which is not printing but just sleeping, does too. The television consumes energy if it is not switched off from the mains. Your Sky Box can use 30W/hour which works out to around £73 per year.
Count Murdoch, I knew he was! And that’s at today’s prices. If you get the same letter I just got about price increases, it will work… [does quick mental calculation] …to about a billion pounds a year.
No, seriously, how much are we talking? Well, it might not be a lot per device, but over time they all add up. A recent study by British Gas estimated that up to 23% of our electricity consumption can be attributed to so-called vampiric energy, meaning a national cost of around £2.2 billion.
What is the answer – hit a wooden stake in the Sky box? Or just turn it off at the wall. Likewise the TV, the game console, the thing that the music comes out of, anything that has a light on. And unplug chargers from their outlets.
Funny, because my grandma used to walk around the house before going to bed every night, turning everything off on the wall because she thought the electricity would leak from the outlets. In a way, she was right. Certainly ahead of its time.
Where is Buffy when you need her? In fact, there are consultants who specialize in saving people from nightlife suckers in their homes. Maybe it’s not worth a TV series.
Say: “Yes, on the wall, it all adds up.”
Don’t say (with apologies to Bram Stoker): “There is darkness in life and there are LED lights.”